Saturday 9th of December 2023 and again, I am going to try and write one of these things. I have little hope that this going to be any better than any of the previous ones. But to keep Mummy happy, I’ll write another one. There is a quote in there about signs of insanity: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I’m going to say that this is a quote from Albert Einstein, but I’m quite possibly wrong. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe.
For those of you involved in the 2023 Famous Dead People comp, you will all be pleased to hear that I am making a comeback with the sudden and untimely death of Shane McGowan, I’m still in shock, he was so fit and full of life. Two more deaths and I’m packing my bags for Equitorial Guinea. Personally, I feel that both, Julie Andrews and Petula Clark’s days must be numbered. Still if they both survive, it will be entertainment for everyone when Mac arrives in Equitorial Guinea and tries to teach the locals lawn bowls.
Sorry for the above waffling, so now onto what has happened over the last couple of weeks or so. The irrigating is still going strong, and we haven’t drained Lake Wanaka yet. Unfortunately, the park is quite large, but the part that we are irrigating does look greenish and looks better than what it normally does at this time of year. Well done, Ben.
Now I haven’t mentioned Brigadier Ben much in this. He, as some of you will know is the Area Manager for Hampshire Group and is very entertaining, more importantly, even though he gives people shit, he is able to also take it as well. Ben is the founding member of the AHA (Anti Hippie Army, not to be mistaken for a-ha 1980’s band), therefore he gets the highest rank of Brigadier. Ben spends his nights catching the freedom campers from sneaking into the camp and using the showers. Some nights, under the cloak of darkness, the Brigadier (maybe Bobo is a better name - from Finding Bigfoot) can catch almost a dozen of these nocturnal pests. Actually, we could look into bait stations to eradicate these blites on our camp and save Ben from being on sentry duty all night. Hahaha.
Last weekend was The Wanaka Beer Fest (same day as National Crate Day - probably not the best choice of dates), it was situated next door at the rugby ground. Harry, Heidi and Chloe (and Mitch) from the Queenstown camp came and stayed the night and were all in brilliant form, I had forgotten how entertaining they all are.
We did have security on duty for the night, but you do get a wee bit concerned when they say that they will come and get us if there is any trouble, sorry but I always thought that it should be vice-versa (Maybe Danny and the SPS boys would be a better choice). Thankfully we had bugger all trouble all night and the security didn’t have to call on FUCC-OFF too often, except for one group……..
We had one group from Queenstown (in their late 40’s) staying in one of the cabins, who thought they were above all rules and weren’t having a bar of being told to keep the noise down by security. They were warned 4 times by security, and earlier on I had gone with them to explain politely what the rules were. Things would go well for a while then would erupt again. At 11.30pm we got another phone call from security and went back to the cabin with them.
The security ladies told me about the state of the guests while we walked towards the cabin. Unfortunately for the guests, one Crazy Dawg was ahead of us, and by the time we got there she was already explaining the natural order of the world to a middle aged, out of shape, topless woman. Yes, they had all decided to take their tops off and party (probably explained the bowl of keys on the table). After a couple of minutes Nicky gave up talking to Shirley Swinger and with the security, went outside to call the police. I therefore was stuck explaining to two couples that the loud music wasn’t the go. Shirley’s husband decided to get a bit uppity, which wasn’t a good look when you stand 5 foot 4 and you have………. pissed your fucking shorts. He shut up when I pointed out that I wasn’t in the mood to deal with a dwarf who hasn’t been potty trained. Oh dear!!!!!!!! I bet their kids are proud!!!!!!!! A few of the other swingers were loitering outside and could hear Nicky on the phone to the police, and strangely enough when we left there was no noise, not even the sound of jangling keys. The police, of course were a no show, because there was fuck all they could have done. After we rinsed our eyes, trying to remove what we had just witnessed, we went back to WC267 for a bit of a snooze, hoping not to have nightmares.
The next morning, I was in reception, working with Eleanor and Jana when Shirley and Pissy Dwarf checked out. She of course stayed in their …….. branded ute, while the Dwarf, head down dropped the keys off to us. Mature Tom managed not to burst out laughing when he was in reception. Wow I have grown up. Eleanor has blacklisted them, so they won’t be able to book into a Hampshire owned camp. Nicky and the cleaners said their room was immaculate when they went to clean it. Just to note, these were people from Queenstown and had driven over in their work branded ute. Hahaha so smart.
Photo: View of Puzzling World from Mt Iron.
I decided to go for another stroll up Mt Iron last week, and no, it’s not getting any more fun. I have to say the views are pretty cool from the top. Before anyone asks, No Roy’s Peak is not something I am going to do, I haven’t got where I am today by climbing up such frivolous hills.
The best part of climbing up Mt Iron is that there is a defibrillator at the top. At the top???? why put one at the top, heart attacks are going to occur well before that. “Come on Tommy, just another half to go, we can get your heart started once you get to the top.” Otherwise, they will just roll me off the track and gravity will take me back down to the carpark.
To make me feel worse, at least 5 women were running up the hill, multiple times while I strolled up, only just keeping my lungs inside my chest. Each one would smile and wave on the way past, which almost made me hope that God was real, and if he had a conscience, he would strike me down. But no.
Photo: Why put this at the top of Mt Iron.
Somehow, I have managed to get a new nickname. This time it’s Humpty, I probably don’t need to explain why, but yay me!!! Life as Tom!! This was given to me by Katie (one of the cleaners from England), she is bloody funny and was in her last year at Law School in England before she decided to do her OE. She is travelling with her friend Georgia who is also very entertaining. All of the ones from overseas are great value and I am sure I will mention them all in the coming weeks.
Photo: Yay Me. Life as Tom……
I must say that it is great to see that Hampshire Group is an equal opportunity company that doesn’t discriminate against minorities. Almost half of our staff come from a minority group which is great to see. Personally, though I have never been surrounded by so many Gingas. As Georgia said, she has dealt with the terrible prejudice all of her life and is used to comments like; “she has no soul.” Along with Katie, Geogia keeps you amused every day at work and is aways quick with the one liners.
Listening to the View’s new album, Exorcism of Youth, while writing this, which again is awesome. Play it loud with headphones is the best. When you can feel your brain vibrating you know it is at the right volume.
Not too many weeks until the end of the year. Aroha, when are we doing the Bungy?????? I need to know if I am going to be alive or dead before Christmas because I’m not wasting money on presents if I’m ash on that day.
Joey and his equally intelligent (and even larger) flat mate in London Matt McNamara (primary school teacher), have decided in their wisdom to become Millwall supporters. They must have watched Green Street Hooligans once too often. Matt also likes to tell people that he is Tommy Hatcher. The two of them went into a QPR pub dressed up and were glared at until they spoke, and everyone seemed to realise that they were just insane Kiwis. At least they are keeping themselves amused.
Photo: Millwall supporters. Note Joey is my height, so Matt is a slightly larger human.
Joey face timed us last night and was gutted that his seat in the street was far to wet to sit on, while he talked to us, drank his morning cuppa and ate his custard creams. I advised him to write a strongly worded letter to the council and see how that goes. He had more bad news because the package that Nicky sent over is going to cost $250 to clear customs.
Nicky always wants to have more input into this, so she provided these……….
Photo: Some Weirdo who looks like he is just out of a 1970’s drug rehab facility. Even scarier, the strange “woman of the night”, behind him.
Photo: No, she is not tall, she is dancing on a table.
Well, that’s about it from us for now. I hope everyone is going ok.
Have Fun!!!!
Love Tom (Humpty, Po) & Nicky (Crazy Dawg)